problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
