You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
