You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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