guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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