I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
