Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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