"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am naked and annoyed.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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