I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
