dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
