You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize