I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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