at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
