I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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