After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
