i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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