and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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