so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I look better un-naked...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
