I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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