and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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