is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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