if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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