You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so let's talk penis.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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