Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
