And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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