I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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