So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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