I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
