you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
