apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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