Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Another day, another engagement, another cat
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
