i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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