I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My cat gives me a boner
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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