Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
