the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
