OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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