im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
