I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
