I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
