I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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