Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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