Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
