I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize