Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
