My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's blow job season.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
