More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
