I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
