i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
