That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
