it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
