dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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