I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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