wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
this will be a night to untag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
