Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I am available for nakedness
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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