Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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