After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
