he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
