I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
