i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize