Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
