dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
