swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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