apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
