I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
