so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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