Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
