My underwear smells like fireworks.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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