If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
