Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
