i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
