i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
