i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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