He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
